Allow me to define.
Let’s dispel any worry that opening this post will lead you to reading about sex toys integrated with home renovations. Although that could be a very entertaining episode on HGTV.
DINKS = Double Income No Kids. SINKS = Single Income No Kids.
You don’t need more clarification about the third –gay/straight/married/partnered/stepparents/single Moms and Dads.
I’m a SINK, but I’m also dating a single Dad of 2 small children. There is a LOT to cover on this topic but tonight’s focus is this:
Being a SINK does not designate me, or females like me, as a Crazy Cat Lady or Spinster. Who even came up with that? Dudes without kids who live alone into their 40s are ‘elusive’ and ‘sexy’. Women, on the other hand? You be cray-cray. I’ll take that with a giant side of Nope.
Before my current relationship I CHOSE to be single for the five years prior. I had seen my fair share of shite with short and long term dating. Being alone was a whole lot easier than dealing with a man-child or baby-momma-drama.
Here’s why I gave up my life being “just” single.
My current partner gets it. I am a solo creature yet still capable of seeing him and his mini-hims as fantastic additions to my life and he understands that.
Now to the scenarios I am very familiar with. *Can we please stop asking these two rather offensive questions?
“When are you having kids?” and “Why aren’t you having children?”
REALLY? Um, how about maybe there are fertility issues? Or potential health risks to Mom or baby? Maybe the Mom instinct doesn’t overfloweth, so you’re not going to half-ass it just to follow social or religious expectations. Or, how about it just isn’t any of your business.
Why are we not, instead, asking what we might do to help? Not necessarily regarding procreation; I’m not suggesting you tell your husband to visit the lonely neighbor. Heh. I’m just saying instead of being nosey, how about just being supportive, of whatever decision each woman makes?
I’m not the first to cover such topics and won’t be the last. I’m writing this because it is still happening and it’s not okay. I’ve had this asked of me so many times that I actually considered Ye Olde Sperm Shoppe on my 32nd birthday. Truth. Raising one (or with my genetics, multiples) by myself because society said I would be a better person if I was a Mum. Whoa.
Next: Being told that my parenting actions/opinions do not apply because I don’t have kids.
Fun Fact! We were all children once and some of us remember how we were parented, disciplined, and appreciated by the grownups as we grew. I don’t need to be labeled as “Mum” to have aptitude on the topic. Y’all who birthed or adopted babies weren’t given a training manual either.
Support each other! We’re all learning here.
I am a not a Mother. But I am a Traveller, a Writer, a Live’r, a Do-er, so I have a whole lot to share with the babes of friends and partners without raising any.
If you are a woman still being asked about having kids? I happily lend you my ammunition: Don’t answer. Instead, simply respond with “How about we discuss your ___ first?” Feel free to fill in the blank with however you see fit. “Sex life” is always a fun one to see a bit of shock and awe, seeing as they indirectly asked about yours first.
Adulting is hard. Share your GLOW, instead of putting a damper on others.